Telemarketers are Evil
Calls from telemarketers are nothing but a nuisance. Who really wants to be interrupted by someone from a call centre asking if you want to change phone companies, buy raffle tickets or buy some useless product. What the telemarketers fail to realise is that, if we wanted to do any of that, we’d just go out and do it – all by ourselves.
There are many ways to deal with calls from telemarketers: simply hang up on them, yell at them using obscene language and then hang up or blow a whistle down the phone to deafen the caller. In a classic moment from Seinfeld, Jerry answers a call from a telemarketer:
Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
None of these methods hurt the telemarketers where it hurts them most – the hip pocket. Time is money and if you are not going to buy their product, telemarketers want to move onto the next call as quickly as possible. So if you want to be as much of a nuisance to the telemarketers as they are to you here are a couple of suggestions.
My personal favourite is to sound interested and ask them in a bright and cheery voice to hold on for a moment. Then put the phone down (without hanging up) and wait a long, long time before hanging up. It helps if you make a bit of noise while you have them on hold so that they know you are still there. Every second that they wait patiently for you to return is a waste of their time and money.
If you feel like having a bit of fun, answer the phone and engage the caller in a long conversation before declining their offer and hanging up. You can ask them all sorts of questions about the product or service they are trying to sell or you can try to get them talking about completely irrelevant topics. You know you have done well if they give up on the call before you do.
Our governments do provide some protection from telemarketers. The lucrative trade in telephone lists has been halted by an amendment to the Commonwealth Privacy Act which limits companies’ use of your personal information; they cannot give your details to other companies any more. State governments limit the hours during which they can call us. For example, in Victoria, telemarketers can only call between 9am and 8pm on weekdays and between 9am and 5pm on weekends and aren’t allowed to call at all on public holidays.
If you’d rather not get the calls in the first place, the Australian Direct Marketing Association (www.adma.com.au) offers an opt-out service where you can choose not to receive direct mail, telephone, email and SMS from marketing companies. This only applies to companies that are members of the association but should reduce the number of calls that you get. For some reason, it might take up to six weeks for this to take effect. I’m sure that it takes much less time to get onto a list.
The next time you get a call from an evil telemarketer, don’t make life easy for them, waste their time in an imaginative and amusing way. Make a stand against them by adding your name to the opt-out list and sit down and enjoy your dinner and nightly viewing of ‘A Current Affair’ in peace.
I came up with a new tactic the other night. Answer the phone in a different language and if it is a call from a telemarketer, just tell them (in the different language) that you don't speak English. They get totally flustered and don't know what to do. Suckers!
For example: ¡Hola! (pause) No entiendo inglés. Hablo español, ¿habala español? Lo siento, no entiendo.
Space Cadet, March 9, 2006 11:32
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