Constantine

Two thoughts arise from watching Constantine. Maybe Bill and Ted was Keanu’s Hamlet, and now he’s content go through his comedy cycle. And making shows from comics these past ten years might still be the death of Hollywood, as the young male demographic loses its interest in movies. 

On the other hand, Constantine is a hoot, and well worth watching, even if the resolute lack of anything convincing in the storyline becomes a little wearing in the end. However it definitely flies better with a glass of wine or two, or three, or some other preferred drug of your choice.

For those who came in late, Constantine is a hero figure who seems to spend most of his time battling a demonic infestation that spreads around the earth like a plague. It’s vaguely Catholic, and the arch angel Gabriel gets into the action (an unfortunate Tilda Swinton), and Constantine takes a particular interest in saving the soul of sweet Rachel Weisz.

It seems that the interface between earth and hell is pretty transparent, and it’s easy enough to make a hop down there to check on the flame infested and sulphurous happenings. (It’s not so easy to get into heaven, for some reason, so we focus on the dark side) 

So far, so much metaphysical nonsense, so good. Director Francis Lawrence backs all this hokum with a fetching array of overhead shots, curious angles, slow motion special effects, hell inspired imagery, angels with burning wings, explosions, festering demonic presences, car crashes, and whatever else can be exploded in style. It’s as if he’s overdosed on a career in music videos 

It’s also a bit like Underworld, all noise and nothing much else. Keanu plays it with a straight bat – no point in smiling or showing emotion when battling the demonic hordes. It’s a serious business, being a comic book hero. He’s armed with a silver shotgun in th shape of a cross, and his investigation even takes us behind the aisles in a bowling alley, as well as into company with Roman priests. 

Everybody else decides to follow his lead and take it all with soulful conviction. Somewhere in the fog of demonic war there seems to be the story of Ms. Weisz’s sister’s suicide, and the demonic determination that she should join her possibly suicidal other on the dark side. After a glass or two, it’s easy to lose track of what’s at stake, and more’s the pity, Ms. Weisz clearly had a no nudity clause in her contract, which might keep her safe from hell, but also means  a bath tub scene unfolds with unseemly chastity. 

The show managed to pull a total of $7.435 million at the Australian box office, not bad, not great either, just enough to show there are still a few demon lovers out there in the woods. The DVD is marked – in the blatant and ugly way now favoured by the censors – as an M, recommended for Mature audiences, proving that they can’t get it right anytime. Surely the world is ready now for IM, for immature audiences. 

I picked up the two disc special edition for $9.95, too much when you consider there’s absolutely no reason to watch the extras explaining what a great and intricate exercise it was when in fact it’s really a grate and laugh exercise. Still the movie looks good on dvd, and it’s a cheaper way of seeing the show than sitting in a cinema wondering if you should walk out to get a choc top during the dull bits. You even get 18 minutes of deleted scenes and an alternative ending. Enough already. 

If you want a decent exorcist show, go straight to the original and the best, the Exorcist. If you want some modern day hokum, comic book style, without a shred of emotional connection or conviction, and without a decent scare, then Constantine suits the bill as a Saturday night movie where you can wake up hungover and not remember much of what you watched, except that you spent some time in the company of an actor destined for all round usefulness as a key piece of building material lumber.

 

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