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Friday, November 21, 2008
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Jon Voight says he's still waiting to see Angelina Jolie's twins. Take a freakin' number, Jonny  |
(15) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Firemen call for backup to help fight off a mountain goat attacking a house |
(5) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Todays lesbian teacher sex scandal is brought to you by Mesa, Texas. w/pic |
(33) |
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TSG mugshot roundup: Show me your hands |
(97) |
| (Durant Democrat) |  |
Oklahoma Insurance Commissioner proposes seizing football season tickets if you don't have health insurance. In other news, OU fans are upset |
(60) |
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A former priest who was caught jogging naked must register as a sex offender. Registering means he must forever wear black shirt and white collar so everyone will know he's a sex offender |
(58) |
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Running out of ridiculous things to do, Florida teens now resorting to blow dart drive-bys |
(39) |
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Student arrested for flatulence. That stinks |
(91) |
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Barack Obama Elementary School -- name change you can believe in |
(116) |
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"Sir, you have to take your turban off. This is the United States" |
(273) |
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One in four British men wish their wife would go under the knife. In the age of obesity, "You need a boob job" falls to #3 behind "Hello, Front-butt" and "Pass the cottage cheese" |
(35) |
| (Count Chocula) | |
Bats infest WV school, making many students sick. School officials not sure why the kids got sick but said they are guano find out |
(36) |
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If an FBI agent goes missing in Iran, does nobody question why he was there in the first place? |
(48) |
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Average gas prices fall below $2 a gallon in the U.S. "I think the American consumers are afraid that this is a mirage" Obvious tag shines proudly |
(197) |
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Parents upset that a Miss Teen Texas pageant was hosted by a drag queen and held at a gay bar |
(55) |
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Photoshop these "frosticles" | (44) |
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Obama names Geithner for Treasury, DOW soars in response to close above 8,000 and change |
(212) |
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Savannah St. University campus on lockdown after shooting |
(34) |
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Swiss Army tells wannabe recruits: You can join up if you're a drug addict, but not if you're a vegetarian |
(130) |
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Two-year-old boy takes Viagra four times a day just to stay alive. That must be hard |
(104) |
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Mugshot of guy arrested while wearing prisoner costume for Halloween |
(46) |
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How much is a ticket to Sweden? The Local publishes night life gallery full of gorgeous women and complete euro-trash douchebags |
(153) |
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Quack gets flak for back room whack. OR Whore roars for more hardcore drugs galore |
(25) |
| (Some Homemade Chili Guy) | |
The good news is there is less fat and sodium in fast food. The bad news is there are more veterinary needles |
(26) |
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Nebraska to limit Safe Haven law to only infants, seeing as how no one has left infants so far |
(65) |
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Hillary says "yes" |
(774) |
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District court rules baseball bat is not an accepted means of clearing out those awkward party guests |
(30) |
| (WIOD) |  |
" Florida Teen Commits Suicide Before Live Webcam Audience" Out of respect, FOX to wait 24 hours before announcing new reality show | (387) |
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Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger blames Guitar Hero for the lack of bands for them to tour with. Fails to realize that it's probably because no one wants to be associated with them |
(459) |
| (Some Turkey Fryin' Guy) | |
As Thanksgiving approaches, fire chiefs warn of dangers of deep-frying turkeys. In directly related story, Fark braces for rash of "Fail", "Dumbass", and "Florida" submissions |
(131) |
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Forget harajuku girls: Young Japanese women are now dressing like princesses, although it's unclear if they're looking for a short Italian plumber to save them |
(193) |
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Fark-ready headline of the day: "Obama to tap Clinton after Thanksgiving" |
(146) |
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Holy fail: terrorist intended to take his home-made bomb "into the packed dining area but could not open the toilet cubicle door" |
(96) |
| (WLWT) | |
Man threatens to blow up Cincinnati landmarks. Includes Bengals, omits Reds despite both already being disasters |
(74) |
| (Intelligencer) | |
Man dresses as jailbird for Halloween, ends up in jail. Subby can't decide whether to dress as a millionaire or a porn star next year |
(45) |
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Ugly-Ass cheetah cubs make debut at Cincinnati Zoo (with pic and cheetahastic video) |
(23) |
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An aggressive Thai General who has threatened to bomb anti-government groups and drop snakes on protestors from helicopters has been reassigned...as an aerobics teacher |
(40) |
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Study finds those who live in messy areas tend to have bad behavior. Entire population of New Jersey expected to be arrested soon |
(139) |
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Looks like GM CEO Rick Wagoner will be flying commercial the next time he begs Congress for a handout |
(342) |
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Bush administration desperate for one last hurrah, begs Supreme Court to punish CBS for showing Real Americans™ a Super Bowl boobie |
(184) |
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Somali pirates are good because they bring home food and money to their impoverished communities. Good moral equivalence there, Associated Press |
(263) |
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Woman fixes butterfly's broken wing, nurses it back to health, gives it to trucker who takes it to Florida. What could possibly go wrong? |
(133) |
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Showing off a knotted rope in high school can be bad noose |
(65) |
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18-year-old buys U.S. Army sergeant's uniform online and attempts to cash $40,000 check not thinking that the cops might be veterans and figure out most 18-year-olds in the Army aren't sergeants |
(236) |
| (Canadian Press) | |
"After avoiding the law for almost 20 years, it was a tame deer that finally blew accused child molester Dudley Taylor's cover" |
(63) |
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Caution: do not attempt to rob naked pensioners, they might spray you |
(24) |
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Winning bidder will not pay for drawing of 7 legged spider, trusts that this will settle the matter |
(146) |
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Cop demands to bring firearm into nightclub, begins waving a pistol around while yelling "Who you gonna call?" The Aristocats defer to the Ghostbusters |
(99) |
| (Hyde and Hare) | |
Photoshop occupants for this classic cartoon's background | (139) |
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Failout |
(908) |
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Latest sign of economic gloom: when a want ad seeking 20 witches counts as upbeat employment news |
(69) |
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Georgia rapper gets 20 years for admitting to a shooting in a song. Vicki Lawrence still at large for double homicide |
(184) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Birth of two-faced kitten baffles doctors. Yes, there is a pic, and yes, it's rather freaky |
(221) |
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Computer virus infects three London hospitals, forcing network shutdown. Thank goodness they can rely on doctors' handwriting |
(37) |
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I'll worship what she's worshipping |
(96) |
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Artist wants to use waste product from nuclear reactors to build new universes. Really |
(59) |
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Even the normally-tolerant Dutch are getting sick of smelly hippies visiting their country in search of cheap pot |
(108) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Veteran fire captain ends his career the same way he began it: with a note from his mom |
(50) |
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What do you get when you mix alcohol, an assault rifle, a stun gun, a crossbow, a syringe filled with animal tranquilizer, aggravated domestic violence, and the police? |
(160) |
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Falling asleep at work is dangerous if you work on a construction si-mmmphhmphmmmph |
(8) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Photoshop | (52) |
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If you thought the "Bike Hero" take off on Guitar Hero was viral marketing you were right. Here's your cookie |
(54) |
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Judge rules Christians can worship in a church that was zoned to be a bar even though the structure had a permit for beer, wine and live entertainment but not religious services |
(67) |
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Bricklayer laying paving stones at archrival's soccer stadium spells out his team's name in dark-colored bricks by the turnstiles - and no one notices for four years (pics) |
(64) |
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Nanny state banning car plates that may be snapped up by terrorist sympathisers - including O54MA, BU58OMB and HO57AGE |
(45) |
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Nanny State residents crack a smile at being named one of the happiest nations in the world, even though health and safety police immediately write them up for inappropriate facial gestures |
(53) |
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Wikipedia describes the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which details the pain of stinging insects. "Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue" |
(162) |
| (Canadian Press) | |
Canadians, not used to seeing light in the sky after 5 pm in November, flood RCMP with calls to report meteor shower |
(42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It's all about how you point when you shoot |
(41) |
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National "Kick a Ginger Day" falls in the middle of International "Bullying Awareness Week" |
(141) |
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Autistic 7-year-old lost over 500 Hot Wheels in a fire. Mattel responds by sending boxes of cars, toys, and t-shirts. Diecast in a fire |
(118) |
Thursday, November 20, 2008
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Man jailed for sexually abusing a teen moves into the house next door to hers. "Every time I hear the front door it's like, 'Who's there?'" |
(96) |
| (Above the Law) | |
Attorney General Mukasey collapses during speech |
(331) |
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Skinny models are a turnoff in advertising, says a scientist who knows absolutely nothing about advertising |
(483) |
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Half of women subject to urinary infection. Submitter hopes it's the lower half |
(108) |
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CIA is surprised to find that some people have a problem with indiscriminately shooting down unarmed light aircraft that may or may not be smuggling U.S. missionaries |
(81) |
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Photoshop this bass player | (84) |
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Today's "Economic collapse brought on by atheism" story brought to you by the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal |
(307) |
| (Xen Invaders) | |
It's a good thing CERN's large hadron collider was shut down until next year... It gave Reddit and Fark's gift of a crowbar and plans to save the world time to arrive. Bonus - real life Gordon Freeman received the gifts | (93) |
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Lost cockatiel contacts owners over the phone. Owners reportedly "over the moon" to have him back |
(23) |
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Since there's nothing like any financial crisis to worry about, a Hawaii congressman plans to resubmit a bill calling the BCS an illegal restraint of trade |
(66) |
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Scammer made $3 million in illegal eBay sales. Or, after eBay and Paypal fees, $271 |
(85) |
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If you have been leaving cuts of meat in and around Framingham, Massachusetts the police would like to have a word with you |
(43) |
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Fannie, Freddie Suspend Foreclosures Through Jan. 9 |
(157) |
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Media turns its attention away from the economic crisis to briefly focus on the important stuff: six chip dips to avoid this holiday season |
(117) |
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Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse |
(67) |
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Pirates are asking $25M for captured Saudi Oil tanker or 2 first round draft picks and a player to be named later |
(236) |
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15 more images you'll think are Photoshopped, but aren't |
(114) |
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Dow closes to 5-year low. This is unfortunately a repeat from yesterday |
(223) |
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TV ads depicting fast-food contribute to childhood obesity. Bad parenting still too lazy to take the blame |
(154) |
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Ransom paid on two of the hijacked ships. Chuck Norris seen cringing |
(223) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Economic crisis increasingly forcing Canadians to delay retirement, although for Canadians, their retirement plan basically consists of being put on an ice floe and being pushed into the Arctic Ocean by their kids |
(88) |
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New Fark user survey + update on bad ads. Bonus: for every 1000 people that fill out the survey, Drew will take a shot of bourbon | (too many) |
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Companies adopting microblogging to increase productivity and let everyone know that the account manager with the big rack totally has a button undone |
(71) |
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If the stacks of banknotes you've just stolen start dripping ink and emitting smoke, don't take them back to your house assuming the cops won't follow the trail of dye. Or be like this idiot - your call |
(14) |
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If the cops are about to arrest you for drunk driving, the last thing you need them to see is your 2-year-old walking around with a pack of Newport cigarettes in hand and one dangling from her mouth |
(124) |
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Suburban Maryland school officials consider cancelling classes for Inauguration Day |
(135) |
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Don't build a treehouse in Park City, Utah-Unless it meets the building and proper set back codes. They don't mess around there |
(84) |
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If you thought bug bombs were dangerous you should probably avoid the Axe effect |
(121) |
| (Missoulian) | |
Man defends fatally stabbing of his friend with the old "he accidentally walked into my knife" excuse. Five times, apparently |
(49) |
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UAW to Congress: Get a deal done. Taxpayers to UAW: Eat a dick |
(820) |
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Times are tough, but evidently not so tough New York couldn't spend $21,000 on an antique Turkish rug for the governor's mansion |
(84) |
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McDonalds pitches health benefits of French fries: They're high in potassium and fiber. Oh, and sweet, sweet sodium |
(139) |
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'Idiot' husband pretends to name newborn Carter Barack Obama. Oh, and don't forget his sister and brother: Brooke Trout and John Elway. Have fun sleeping on the porch, pal |
(119) |
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Photoshop this evocative Egyptian | (43) |
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Robin Williams and a coke addict in a Geico parody (AND a coke addict?) | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"One thing that's always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn't have nearly enough meat in it" |
(81) |
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Dog drives car into coffee shop in New York. Your dog wants latte |
(28) |
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Thanksgiving is a time fraught with awkward family issues, especially when the rest of your clan is planning to spend the day performing an exorcism on you to cure you of your mental illness |
(206) |
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European legislators considering new laws to prevent the theft of virtual goods. Your 43rd level night-elf thief's days are numbered |
(97) |
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Old and busted: Horse shoes. New hotness: Horse leg warmers |
(53) |
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They say cleanliness is next to Godliness, for one reason you probably hadn't thought of |
(129) |
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In between fart jokes, creator of Family Guy claims that science is "undervalued and degraded" |
(288) |
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After LaMar started upping his visits to the tanning salon to 5 days a week, his girlfriend Shaniqua became suspicious. "It dawned on me.....hey, we're black, why would he go to a tanning salon anyway?" |
(149) |
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Supreme Court of Canada to rule on whether fat people should have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Midgets are following the case closely and hoping for half-price travel |
(274) |
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Paralysed bunny hoppy with her new wheels |
(52) |
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Four Nordic countries pledge 4.6 billion dollars to Iceland amidst threats of new Bjork video |
(72) |
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Treasury Department introduces video-game like achievements for consumers to stimulate economy |
(73) |
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Yugo reaches the end of the line. Serbians, comedians inconsolable |
(128) |
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People are shocked to learn that inhaling bug bombs is not good for their health |
(24) |
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NYPD caught on video celebrating Obama's victory with New Yorkers in a manner familiar to protestors and bicyclists |
(309) |
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